With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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