fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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