I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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