Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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