could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
