Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
