Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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