Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
