I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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