May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
