My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
