I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
