I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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