I cannot find my penis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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