Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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