mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
