don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
