sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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