i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
