If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cockslap morals
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
