I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize