Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
