i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
