Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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