she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
