She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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