he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
