he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
