i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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