did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
