Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
