"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
