I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
