I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
