I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
