so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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