man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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