The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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