If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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