I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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