; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
