fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
