Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I believe in your delicious
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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