What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
