Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
