Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
