Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
