He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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