I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
