Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
