i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
