dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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