i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
