Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
