He disabled his match.com account in front of me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
