a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
