She said her name was "party"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He kissed a someone with a penis
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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