I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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