I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
