It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
