Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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