3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
