About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
