He disabled his match.com account in front of me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He passed out mid-signature
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
