I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
