Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
