for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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