New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
