We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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