Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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