Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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