The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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