omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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