You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize