I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You can't just leave with hair like that
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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